I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
