the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
