Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dick very happy bro
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
