I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
