Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
