addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
