next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
