They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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