there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
