Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize