he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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