the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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