nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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