i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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