...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize