Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
