I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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