I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
