dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
