I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
