His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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