her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
