i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
