I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
