I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
