You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
