another moral hangover. fuck.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
