i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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