so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
