and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
