The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
