I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
