Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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