He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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