Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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