I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i think i have two assholes
is wine microwaveable?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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