I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
