Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
