I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
