who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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