Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
