Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Alive.
So much puke
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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