Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize