I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
