I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
