He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
