When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
