At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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