Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
