Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
