I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
