Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
