I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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