I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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