I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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