yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
