Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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