I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
