The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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