The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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