we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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