I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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