Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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