I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
