We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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