I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
