I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
