it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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